Sorry seems to be the hardest word?

When Elton John and Bernie Taupin wrote their famous song, they were talking about a relationship that had gone wrong and couldn’t find a way of apologising so that they could move on. Sorry being the hardest word to say.

In reality I feel its completely the opposite, where ‘Sorry’ is actually one of the easiest words for us to say, and in fact we use it so much we lose its meaning.

Don’t believe me?

Well, remember this article the next time someone bumps into you………what do you say, even though you have done nothing wrong?

I know we are just being polite but it shows you just how easy it is to use the word.

Sorry has a place and is a very powerful word when you are trying to apologise for something you have said or done wrong. It will go a long way to make the situation better and make the person you have upset feel so much better.

Ask any of my pupils and they will tell you the word I will not let them use in the car is sorry. In learning to drive I hate this word, one of the reasons being because it gets overused as we said, but what are they apologising for?

A pupil makes a mistake – let’s say they stall, and the first thing they do is say sorry. Why? They would say “Because I made a mistake” but did they upset me or offend me? No

So why are they saying sorry? There isn’t a pupil around that does not make mistakes of some type. Yes there are pupils that make repeated mistakes because they find it difficult or do not understand a concept. But to be honest I feel if you are a driving instructor who gets upset about these things, then you really need to evaluate if this profession is for you, and certainly shouldn’t be shouting at, or abusing a pupil. And yes sadly this happens far more than it should.

At the end of the day they are learning to drive, and will make mistakes. Mistakes are part of the learning process so that means they are apologising for learning, which makes no sense. But also by apologising it starts a cycle that makes them feel bad and can make the mistakes worse.

A study for the European Journal of Social Psychology found that people who refused to say sorry showed signs of “greater self esteem” had greater feelings of power or control and also integrity.

So if we put this into a learning environment, the act of apologising for learning, is self deprecating, affects ego, and creates yet another barrier to learning. So an unnecessary ‘sorry’ after a very short time turns into a ‘whats wrong with me ? I just can’t get this! ‘

Everyone learns in different ways and different paces. We have to all acknowledge this, trainers as well as pupils. Most trainers know this but all pupils do not accept it.

It’s funny, because many of my pupils have had children and I ask them “When you are teaching your son or daughter something, and they get it wrong do you instantly shout at them ? Tell them they are rubbish and say they will never get this.?”

No they don’t. They try to be patient with them and help them through. However when it comes to doing things themselves they do not offer the same patience to themselves as they would to their child.

I know I have come off topic slightly, and in another article I will look at this in more depth, but it shows you just how easy it is to create additional barriers to learning.

The word “Sorry” is one of those barriers. So choose any word you like if something does not go quite right but never apologise for making a mistake. You are learning. You need to understand how things can go wrong and what to do when they do. It is through making these mistakes and correcting them that the richest and most enduring learning is found.

So for learning to drive let’s make “SORRY THE HARDEST WORD TO SAY” Thank you Elton and Bernie.

Tony Winter-Bates July 2022